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Whistling Past the Graveyard

Writer's picture: Kiala KazebeeKiala Kazebee

I started taking gummies at night about a year ago for insomnia and some other health stuff. I've never been a weed-smoking person. It exacerbates my anxiety and can send me into a panic spiral. It also significantly interacts with my meds. However! Gummies or edibles are fine, for some reason. I'm not a scientist so please don't ask me why I'm like this. My body is a wonderland and a mystery. I need twice as much pain medication as most people do. My dad was a ginger. Maybe I got the redhead gene, who knows?


Anyway, every night (okay afternoon. - I'm not employed right now and the world is a shitshow and I will remind any potential employers reading my blog - it's legal) I take my little gummy and drift off into nostalgia land. I don't want to think about the past - not too much, anyway, but the gummies have different ideas. I'll be happily thinking about what I would do with a billion dollars when BAM! It's 1984 and I'm in my grandmother's garage. I can smell the fabric softener and feel the heat coming from the dryer and the California desert. My aunt is standing in the garage doorway, her black Trans Am parked in front illegally, her long blond hair and astonishing blue eyes practically daring the world to fall in love with her. It's a nice memory until my weed-enhanced brain reminds me meanly that she's an alcoholic and pill addict who allowed her child to be abused by her husband.


This happens all night until the gummies wear off. I can't stop taking them because I will be awake all night and in pain but this - this distorted movie reel of my life's shittiest hits - is not great, Bob.


And I can't help but think about the different ways we are all coping. Or at least, how half of the country is coping because the other half is busy buying "TRUMP IS JESUS" flags for their cybertrucks. Eating too much? Drinking too much? Exercise? MURDER (I don't know)? How are you all doing because my mental health is STRUGGLING in a way it never has before and I'm worried (understatement)?


I used to write about karaoke and hosting trivia nights and hangovers and healthy eating and exercise and now...will I ever get back there? Will anybody?


(Anyway, here is a picture of my old cat, Whiskey, to combat all the negative bs above.)




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4 commentaires


giz
22 janv.

yep, I'm definitely doing the gummie thing to get to sleep. I can't otherwise. Especially now, with the regime change, I'm just spinning all the time. I've been going to the free gym, but that only helps a little. Please send tips, omg.

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Kiala Kazebee
Kiala Kazebee
26 janv.
En réponse à

I'm reading. Some MLK but then to escape, some sci fi. It's kind of helping? Idk. I just broke down sobbing listening to Under Pressure so who knows?

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ginaniu
16 janv.

What a cute cat! I've tried edibles but I always go back to alcohol, especially after the election. I am somewhat functioning but pushing the horror of the new admin to the back of my mind has affected me mentally and physically.

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Kiala Kazebee
Kiala Kazebee
16 janv.
En réponse à

I'm so sorry. I feel exactly the same way. I miss alcohol so much. Much better at dulling the pain.

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